Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Long Distance Relationship


Dearest Austin,

I do not want to drive us apart either. You mention that we used to live such parallel lives, and that now it seems we have different priorities. I don't know if "priorities" is really the correct term. I doubt you will see it that way, but just because we are not doing all the same relative things at the same relative time any more does not mean that we have different priorities, it just means that we have different activities that we participate in that aren't the same. Well, that seems like the obvious part of living in separate houses, in separate towns. We've never lived and been together like that. Only when you were locked up. Now we are living a very different life than the one we began together. That doesn't, and you touched on this, make us love one another less. What it does do is make us different, and we've been different since the day we met so that's something we should be able to deal with by now, right? But that also doesn't mean that there won't come a time when we get our lives back on the same track, when we're living together in the same town and building our relationship, together. Right now we each have a lot of work to do on our own. We need jobs, or better jobs, or more money, or cars, or insurance, or some sense of stability before we can realistically be together and be a successful partnership again. That is a priority for me. I think it's also a priority for you too, so see--our priorities really aren't that different. Just because everything isn't perfect like you pictured it right NOW doesn't mean that it won't be or can't be. You can't rush things, but I do appreciate your attention to making our relationship work and being interested in it being as wonderful as you picture it, but sweetie I'm afraid that's just not how things work. I'm trying to do better for you. I'm trying to change my mind for you, and me. I'm trying to be where you are, but I'm just not there right now. That doesn't mean I won't get there or that I don't care, it just means that I need more. More time or more something than you, I guess. I feel as lost as you do sometimes, I'm trying to figure this all out on my own. So basically I just try to roll with the punches. I also just try to love you the best way I know how and as much as I can. I hope that helps, and I hope that you can give me the benefit of the doubt that I'm trying to be better, and that I do love you.

And I do.

Always,

Blush

Monday, May 05, 2008

Anybody Got A Rosary I Can Borrow?


So I finally got to spend some much needed time with my fiance this weekend. He's living in a really cool place in North Austin. He's got roomates, so we got a suite to spend some sweet time with each other for the first time in MONTHS.

It

Was

So

Good.

I had never realized how much I missed him until he held me tight in his arms. I felt so safe. He smelled so good. I had so needed the weight of my man on me. We were like teenagers again. I'm still revelling in the saccharine, cotton candy-pink glow of romantic love, of passionate love, of...dare i say it? True love. Now I'm dreaming of the next time I see him again. Scheming to get to Austin as soon as possible, excited for the future, suddenly hopelessly unafraid of the sparkly ring on my left hand. Ready to jump once again, head fucking first.

Unfortunately, our super-hot quickie on the bathroom counter before I left has not quelched my desire for Him in the least. Damn.

If there was one song, just one song, out of every song ever written, there is one song I wish I could have written. If only I had the talent.

That song is Like A Prayer by Madonna. Oh yes.

You may laugh, but you try metaphorically mixing fellatio and other various acts of love with the religious experience of ecstatic faith and see what you come up with. Madonna's result is one of the most honest, intense, beautiful, and all-encompassing professions of love ever recorded on top of a dance track.

Fucking Rock and Roll genius.

Life is a mystery,
everyone must stand alone
I hear you call my name
And it feels like home.

When you call my name
It's like a little prayer,
I'm down on my knees...
I wanna take you there.
In the midnight hour,
I can feel your power--
Just like a prayer you know I'll take you there.

I hear your voice,
Its like an angel sighing
I have no choice,
I hear your voice...
Feels like flying.
I close my eyes,
Oh God I think I'm falling
Out of the sky--I close my eyes...
Heaven help me!

When you call my name
It's like a little prayer,
I'm down on my knees...
I wanna take you there.
In the midnight hour,
I can feel your power--
Just like a prayer you know Ill take you there.

Like a child
You whisper softly to me,
You're in control
Just like a child...
Now I'm dancing
It's like a dream,
No end and no beginning...
You're here with me,
It's like a dream...
Let the choir sing!

When you call my name
It's like a little prayer,
I'm down on my knees...
I wanna take you there.
In the midnight hour,
I can feel your power--
Just like a prayer you know I'll take you there.

Just like a prayer, I'll take you there!
Just like a muse to me, you are a mystery--
Just like a dream, you are not what you seem...
Just like a prayer, no choice, your voice can take me there!
Just like a prayer, I'll take you there!
It's like a dream to me...

Life is a mystery, everyone must stand alone
I hear you call my name,
And it feels like...
Home.