Today I am hurt. It has been pointed out to me that I make myself nothing but a victim. Well I suppose that's true. I'm a victim of myself. I fuck myself every time I turn around, and not in that good way. So now I have to face the consequences. I will probably find out exactly when to report to Rehab today. I am terrified. I am embarrassed. I am ashamed. I feel like I can't make it through this. I feel like I'm just not worth it. I'm a junkie, and nothing's gonna change that. It's just a lost cause. I'm a lost cause. Because in reality, I have accomplished nothing. I may speak otherwise but it's the awful truth. An awful lie. The only thing I'm good at is doing drugs and now they are taking that away from me. Leaving me with nothing. A huge consuming, sucking void. Sucking the life out of me. I have no talents. I write this although I don't know why. It only sounds whiny and boring. I used to think I was cool but I'm not. I'm just another loser junkie.
Nothing special about that.
3 comments:
Man, if you really feel that way, why even continue?
I was, and still am, a junkie for many years. Three years ago I decided to do something different. It's scary, facing life without the buffer of some substance, but it gets better.
Good luck.
I am an ex user,meth,coke,binge drinking,you name it. I am now a father of 2 a husband and a friend to many. I saw myself falling and with no help from anyone,I quit using. Cold turkey you might say. My friends were constantly calling me back, I found a center in my mind and spirit and clutched it as tight as I could, and with the ride came praise from some, as fuel to keep up the good fight. I know someone now that I really trust and hold dearest to my heart. Jesus Christ. God be with you on your journey to recovery,and I will pray for you every day.
You want people to disagree with you just so you can feel better about yourself?
Well, forget that.
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