Monday, February 27, 2006

Make More Life Than A Living

I have really been enjoying the band Neutral Milk Hotel lately. I know absolutely nothing about this band, other than what I imagine in my mind. And what I imagine is awesome. I see John Lennon, Lou Reed, Bob Dylan, and Jack Kerouac down in some basement strumming guitars together in 1990's Seattle. I know, right? It's just so ...beat. Like me. The sometimes rambling, sometimes flowing, nonsensical lyrics have so much imagery, all the weird situations they sing about seem strangely familiar, kinda like a face without a name. I think these guys did their fair share of acid back in the day. Now all I need is to find someone as beat as I am to enjoy it with...

So I am almost completely moved in to my new place. It's really nice. Fireplace, ceiling fans, walk-in closet, all that jazz. I have been living out of bags and boxes for approximately two years and now I have more places to put stuff than stuff to put in them. And I have missed my stuff. The best part though is that I finally have my cat Dinah back. She is so happy now. She hated Lufkin because my family has two other cats. And she hates other cats. But now she's back in her element. I like to sit here and watch her sleep and know that I kept my promise to her. I promised her I'd be back for her. I promised her that when I moved to Austin, even though I wouldn't get to see her for months, it was only because I wanted to get a place where it would be just us and we could play all day. I was afraid when I said it, but I knew I could do it. Now I'm lying in my own bed, on my own computer, with my baby curled up in my lap. I guess hard work really does pay off.

But last night I was feeling down. Not really depressed, just kinda down. Usually when I'm feeling sad at work, I go get a hug from Jesse, who I have recently decided is very, very hot. I am always peeping him. I might even actually kinda like him...but that's not allowed. Anyway, I went for my hug last night and it was the best thing that has happened to me in ages. We both held tight...and the longer we held the tighter we held. It was like neither one of us wanted to let go or something. When I heard him drop the mop I just closed my eyes and tried to inhale him. It's not that I want someone to hold me, but that I want someone to hold. And I was holding on for dear life.

I rented The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy and have watched it three times over the weekend. Let me first say that Mos Def is the hottest thing in the galaxy, for sure. I am now officially in love. Hitchhiker's fans may not agree, but I really liked the altered storyline of Arthur and Trillian. And Trillian kicked ass, really. They did a good job with that character. All the actors were excellent. Zaphod's Matthew McConaghey attitude killed me. And again, Mos Def's Ford Prefect was just as crazy as I imagined, and the guy that played Arthur was dead on. But I see why it didn't do well at the box office because what a hard movie to make! If you didn't have any background, it would just seem like so many random events piled one on top of another. But after watching the movie, I remembered how fucking profound that book really is. Kudos to the directors, they did the novel justice, in my opinion.

I finally got my revenge on my ex-boyfriend this past weekend. When I was arrested and ultimately put in jail, my mother had to clean out what was left in our house. I had nothing to do with it. I did not know until she brought my stuff up here that she had inadvertantly taken his box of cd's, his most treasured fucking possessions. Oops, our bad. That's what he gets. I figured I'd be throwing most of them away because we didn't always agree on music, but I came out with full collections of Nine Inch Nails, Pink Floyd, Radiohead, Smashing Pumpkins, some Hendrix and MY Hole cd, and two copies of every Nirvana album. Sweet. There were more I threw away, a couple random albums that I kept, and my friend Aaron came out with several cd's as well. Fucking rad. I win.

And as for my poll: Yes this is something I am considering. I am simply considering it though. My manager at Freebirds mentioned it to me. I do not have any information on the process. I don't see the point in taking the time to look into it unless I have already thought things through. I would not be pregnant, so I don't know that it would be like giving up a child. But I don't know. They would extract my egg and fertilize it with the father's sperm and implant the embryo into the mother. So basically I'd be selling my DNA. I do not know if the child will ever have access to my identity because it is not like an adoption. I think it's treated more like sperm donation. I do not know how much access the parents will have to my identity, besides IQ tests and blood tests, etc. I do not know if I even meet donor criteria. I probably don't. This is something I would like to do to help someone and help myself as well. It's just that it's obviously a big deal. I would have to stop taking all medication, I would be closely monitored, probably no caffeine, etc. for an entire menstrual cycle. I just imagine some poor, infertile woman desperate to have a child, even if it's (technically) mine. If I can make someone's dream come true, I have a hard time turning something like that down. Even if it's someone I'll never know. And if they can afford In Vitro fertilization, I can probably rest assured that the child will be well kept. And since I would not be raising it, there's a chance he/she won't come out as fucked up as I am. Because I worry about my genetics. I was raised by my parents, the ones with the same genes as me, and I don't know that that helped matters at all. No offense to anyone, just calling it like I see it. There is also a specific part of my past that I'd like to atone for and this would be by and large the best way to do that. I don't know that I need to, but I'd still like to. I took, and I don't know that I'll forgive myself until I give something back. And I am so poor. But I can afford to give this. It seems like a win-win situation, but I know there are just as many negatives as positives, thus the Poll. So vote, dammit!

Jam for the Day: Oh, Comely by Neutral Milk Hotel

Sunday, February 26, 2006

Please Participate In My Poll!

This one really is a good question. I'm very seriously considering it. $3500 is a car. And I need a car. And maybe if I can give the gift of life that will atone for some of my many sins. But I think it's a drastic decision to make. I need a second opinion. And I can't think of a better way to get one.
I am fucking seriously considering bringing life into this world! A Son or Daughter that could look me up in 20 years, perhaps. Have I really gone crazy this quickly?? I need your help with this.

VOTE! If you just do it, I won't have to bitch again...especially you girls!

Friday, February 24, 2006

I Need A New Drug

I know I have said this before but I must be a woman now because I am having feelings I don't remember having as a girl. I could go on about how all this must be affected by the absence of any kind of men in my life for...oh, about 10 months, and how they are strange and beautiful creatures to me now, but nobody cares about that. Let's get to the good stuff. There was this guy on the bus today. Fucking aye dude. Long, messy chestnut curls, bright blue eyes, and yes, even that scraggly-ass beard. And his book bag. Leather. An old Army field telephone bag. He seemed so ...unconcerned with himself. I watched his eyes flash as he watched the scenery fly by. I saw the corners of his mouth upturn as he read his book. I tried desperately to get a peek at the title of the hardcover, but to no avail. Everything about this guy was unconventional. I wondered what he'd be like between the sheets. Based solely on that thought, I would have jumped him right then and there. And if it weren't for social precedent and protocol, I would have. No questions asked. If I never saw him again, okay. Actually that'd be better for me. Anyway I guess I dwelled on that thought a bit too long because all of a sudden the bus is stopping and I'm getting up to get off the bus, and I pause to let the dream go ahead, and he like, bowed a little bit and smiled at me and waved me in front of him. But it was not like a normal, everyday wave-through. There was something ridiculously old-fashioned about his movements. An unexpected gentleman. This threw me off because I didn't expect him to acknowledge me at all; the guys I'm into never do. So I took a step and stumpled in my anxiety and almost tripped over him like a fool. We got off the bus and he headed off in the opposite direction. I watched him walk quickly away from me. Back to his woman, I suppose. It was hard parting ways with the dream. But sometimes life insists that you do.

C'est la vie.

Jam for the Day: Closer by Nine Inch Nails

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

New Improved Poll; Scroll Down

Results for previous poll:

I am contented with my readers' wisdom. I was never really going to do it anyway.

I told you I would be around...

Monday, February 20, 2006

Saturday, February 18, 2006

Soul to Squeeze

Don't get too excited. I'm not back for long. One last healthy dose before a short hiatus. I just can't help but respond a little bit to The Reverend's most charming response to my selfishness. And some things happened today that you have to know about...

Yes, I am very selfish, and I don't mind admitting it at all. There is reason to this rhyme. I have given up everything I had and everything I was and lost it all. I realized this morning that I have been trying my whole life to make friends into family and family into friends, when both are neither. I've put all this energy into everyone but me, neglecting myself to the point of drug addiction. What was it all for? When I went to jail I went there alone. I spent a lot of time with myself and guess what? I'm really fuckin cool. I've let other people's feelings and other people's desires come before my own needs in the past and it only spelled disaster. It's time for me to grow. I started writing this shit because I was all mixed up trying to learn how to live again. I don't know if I ever really knew how. I thought perhaps it'd be interesting. Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn't. But I matter most to me now. I'm already on my second chance. I can't risk my life on anyone else anymore. Until I get my mind right, I'm no use to anyone anyway. Maybe one day I will find my inspiration. Maybe one day I will find a friend I can turn into family. I don't know. But right now I'm living a blush reality. And it's selfish. And I like it that way.

If you knew me, you would love me. I'm not sure of much, but that I am sure of.

This afternoon at the bus stop there was this crazy homeless guy shouting and cursing to high heaven. He must have been really pissed about something because he was going through his bags and throwing things around and dropping f-bombs on everyone within earshot. I wasn't really afraid of this guy, but I was standing pretty close, so I kept my eye on him. So he starts packing his shit back up, and he's leaving the bus stop, and he stops in front of the guy next to me and screams at him, and I swear to you he says, "I FUCKING BURNT OFF MY PENIS GODDAMMIT!! SOMEBODY TOUCHED IT, SO I FUCKING BURNT IT OFF!!! GODDAMMIT!!!" And we are just standing there like, holy shit...I guess that's a pretty good reason to be pissed off. And then he turned and just kept walking down the sidewalk. I mean, I expected him to yell at somebody, but that's not what I expected him to yell at all. I'm just glad it wasn't at me. Crazy.

I have a hard time conversing with my mother because she doesn't like it when I cuss.

Then I was on the bus and this guy asked me if I had ever tried out for Miss America, because he said I looked "familiar." Questions like this amuse me. (Miss America? Please.) Can't blame the guy for trying I guess. Then when a family with a little kid got on, he moved to the seat next to me for them. He sat a bit too close and pushed his knee into mine and told me how much he wanted kids and gave me the most sincerely perverted smile you could imagine. I was almost more scared of him than ole burnt-dick at the bus stop.

Ah, the wonders of public transportation. Just doing my part for the environment.

Today I entered into a humongous lie and exited with an address.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

I Love You More Than Being Seventeen

I am so frustrated with everything in my life right now. I feel like an outsider in an inside joke that I get but don't find funny. And I'm paranoid. That doesn't make for very good writing. I'll be around...and probably back sooner than I think. I just need to get my bearings. You understand.

Get yourself a lawyer and a gun...

Jam for the Day: People Are Strange by The Doors

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

The Window

I was staring out the window
It wasn't the outside world I could see
Just the filthy pane that I was looking through
Because the fact in fact is
Whatever’s in front of me is covering my view
So I can't see what I'm seeing
I can only see what I'm looking through
But even when the window's clean
I still can't see for the fact
That when it's clean it's so clear
I can't tell what I'm looking through
So I had to break the window
It was in my way
Better that I break a window
Than forget what I had to say...

You Belong On The Radio

So. Valentine's Day. Yeah. The only thing that sucks about being single on Valentine's Day is the lack of flowers. It's the only reason to get flowers all year long. I mean shit. I love flowers. So instead of flowers and candy I got my period. Ah, the irony. I guess it's a good thing that I am single, eh? So I went to my favorite shoe shop and found the greatest metallic pink indie-chic moccassin-style slippers for five dollars and I bought them for myself for Valentine's Day.

Shine on.

So. Hormones. Yeah. I woke up yesterday feeling instantly better. How fucked up is that?? How do they expect us to live like this? It's not the end of the world, but it sure does seem like it until you realize, oh. It's me. And it's so weird because even though you know that you are going to have PMS, and that you can't stop it, it's so deeply embedded in you, so chemical, that you suffer more than a few days of mental and emotional fucking anguish before it hits you that it's just hormones. Once you realize that it's such a relief and so much easier to fight the crazy. Am I right ladies? They should give us the week off or something...

Simon Cowell is the shiz. Count on him to keep it real. He's a welcome addition to pop culture in my estimation...I still can't believe I watched that whole damn show last night.

Julianne Moore is on Regis and Kelly this morning. Reason enough to quit my day job. Jerome Bettis was on after Ms. Moore. Reason enough to have someone to wake up with. I don't think that made sense to anyone but me.

Happy Birthday to my homeboy Conor Oberst. One day too late for love.

Jam for the Day: Happy Birthday to Me by Bright Eyes

Saturday, February 11, 2006

Talkin' Trash to the Garbage Around You

I don't know why I've been putting off this post, but I'm sure it has something to do with my hormones. That's a good excuse, right? I just haven't been okay lately and I think (I hope) I know why. And I'm not into writing emotionally careless drivel, although that may be debatable. Since I have no one to share my life with, I share it with perfect strangers. It's not difficult psychology. A lot has happened, or rather, a lot has happened with me, but ya'll already know that's just how I roll. It's a mental strain, to say the least. I am always tired. I am always looking forward to being done with what I'm presently doing and moving on to the next thing so I can get bored with that and fulfill my scattered destiny. At this point my head is spinning. It makes me feel so fuckin angry. I think I will assault the next 5'9" 110 lb. 19 year old girl I see. If she has chunky blonde highlights, all the better. I hate the things I will never have. But they are everywhere. So I walk with my head down. I watch the sidewalk. Have you ever really seen the sidewalk? It's one of the most amazing things on the planet, you should check it out. Sometimes it holds diamonds like a jewelry store case. They argue "walk this way, no, walk this way." ...Okay I totally plagiarized those last two lines. But they're genius, and they're true. Think on it.

Sometimes there are people worse off than you. But there are more people worse off than me.

The Of Montreal show was a fuckin blast. Being so small I am the shiz at working my way through a crowd to the front. I even danced around a bit. After the show and two Cape Cods and two Lone Stars, I was pretty drunk and scoping what was left of the crowd for a guy to walk up to and randomly kiss. Just for the fun of it. I employed my friends for help finding someone worth the effort. Ricky points out the bass player. Oh yeah. I'm like, "watch this." But I didn't find him all that attractive, so I just told him that it was a great show and gave him a suggestive kiss on the cheek right near the lips and then just walked away all sexy like. Haha! I'm a Band-Aid.

So the apartment locator told me that the only way to get around my felony setback is for my mother to lease the apartment in her name while I live there unbeknownst to the management. He said they do it all the time. This works out well because it's easy for me to assume my mother's identity, as my middle and last name are her first and last name. People will look at my ID and not even notice the difference. She is coming down next weekend on a road trip with her best friend to come look at apartments and ultimately lease one that day. There are a few places I like, but none like the one I can't have. Sigh. So I refuse to get excited about anything because I can't stand to be let down again so soon after such a crushing blow to my confidence. Either way, I'm in my own place on the 22nd, and God knows it couldn't come sooner. I miss my Dinah.

I am dealing with the fact that I will never know him.

But the thing that's really bothering me is I feel like I've failed. When I came to Austin, it was not on the best terms with anyone. I was going to show them all. I was going to succeed the hard way. Balls out. I was going to show them all that I wasn't crazy and I didn't need their help and that I was strong now and nobody need worry about me. I could take care of myself. But I was wrong. I do need help, everywhere and from anyone I can get it. I feel weak. And alone. And it's killing me.

But isn't that all this life is?? Slow death?

Jam for the Day: We Will Become Silhouettes by The Postal Service

Friday, February 10, 2006

Am I the only one?

Rape me...
Rape me; my friend
Rape me...
Rape me, again...

Hate me...
Do it and do it again
Waste me...
Rape me; my friend...

Jam for the Day: Take a Wild Fucking Guess by I Need to Get a Life

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Like A Virgin

Whoa. It is early in the morning for such a late night. And another late night tonight and another early morning tomorrow. That's just how I roll. My birth-mate Ricky and Emilie and Blake and Travis and Me and I think Jen (and probably her boyfriend) are all going to see
Of Montreal tonight together. I'm pretty excited. I feel like I belong to part of a group again. Right now I am at work, and thank god nobody is having problems connecting to the internet, or at least they're not trying to this early.
So here I am.

I found out something interesting about Jesse, the guy from work that totally wants me. Do you remember me saying something about his girlfriend?? Yeah, well, he's got one. So I ask...umm...Frankie... What's up with that? And "Frankie" tells me that I didn't hear it from him, but that Jesse is sexually frustrated presently because his girlfriend is a VIRGIN. This blew me away. This guy's no virgin, that's for sure. But how fucking sweet! ...I mean, how fucking stupid. This is a very cool guy. What the fuck is he thinking?? I have been with two virgins before, and that was definately one too many. And I will tell you that it can only work out alright if both parties have the same sexual status (that being virginity.) But dating a virgin is only a recipe for disaster. Or bullshit. Or both. Even two virgins together will eventually destroy their relationship, it just might take a little longer, and that makes it even worse. A virgin will never be the same again once you pop that cherry. Trust that. They turn into jealous, insecure, co-dependent fucking babies. And I can't even imagine what a female virgin could be like after having been deflowered, sheesh. Everyone knows chicks are crazy when they think they are in love. HA! I was lucky, I actually was in love, and we were both virgins, so my crazy didn't kick in until the second virgin, which, looking back, was the worst decision I've ever made. Both relationships went up in flames. It's a long story. I can guarantee you I will never be doing that shit again. Learn from the tabloids, i.e. Nick and Jessica...ahem, The Newlyweds. Too much DRAMA. Am I right?

I am still feeling bad about what happened on Monday. I can't even talk about it without wanting to cry. And that's not cool. I am just so stressed out I feel like I'm losing my mind. I just want it to be done with.

I certainly haven't been shopping for any new shoes--
I certainly haven't been spreading myself around...
I still only travel by foot, and by foot it's a slow climb,
But I'm good at being uncomfortable, so I can't stop changing all the time.

More later...

Jam for the Day: Extraordinary Machine by Fiona Apple

Monday, February 06, 2006

But For What I Ask You Sir

Today I wandered around Travis Heights. Crying. Bawling. Violet mascara streaks behind my big black sunglasses. I am lost. I don't care. I am just wandering, because I don't know what to do. I did everything right this time, and still...I lost. I should have known this would happen. Things were going too well. My apartment application was rejected because I am a felon. A criminal. A second-class citizen. I could see the sympathy in the Apartment Manager's eyes and that made it worse. Even when it couldn't get any worse. I managed to make it outside, but the rest is a blur of mascara and sobbing and stumbling up and down shady hills. I think I managed to smoke a cigarette. Why have I tried so hard to get straight? For this? And I've done a really damn good job too! I mean, goddamn. Do you know what the odds are for a statistic like me? I've beaten most of them already. And for what? So the Man could get me?? Again?? The fucking Man, man! And I'm a white female. The Man isn't supposed to fuck with me! It seems that when men fuck me, it usually ends up in some kind of disaster. Why would this situation be any different? But I digress. Why have I tried so hard?? What is it all for? Am I ever going to have even a smidgeon of what I want? I'll settle for what I need at this point. I don't even know how to begin to respond to these thoughts of mine. I am so fucking depressed about this. The rejection. I knew it would come. First it's a lease on an apartment. Then it's a possible career. The next thing you know it's the love of my life and then what happens? I'll tell you what happens. I'll be working my ass off, alone, just like I am now. You know, when I was wandering the streets sobbing, there were like 6 people in my cell phone I could call in a situation like that...and how pitiful is it that only one of those people live in my vicinity?? I am too alone to get hurt like this. When I am alone and in pain, I tend to do what it takes to kill that pain. And sometimes it takes too much. NO. NOT AGAIN. Somebody save me from myself! I've had all this faith, in fact I've actually been arguing about it very recently with a good friend. Now it's on me. What will I do? I am so devastated, all I can do is have faith. I honestly don't know what else to do. But I'm scared. I'm fucking real scared. And I don't understand how it's ever going to really get any better. I mean really better. It's been so hard and I've been so alone and for so long, I don't know how much longer I can maintain this feeling...
I ended up walking all the way home, mascara stained cheeks and all. I did my best to keep my head up like a lady. I've got to find a place to live in one week or less. I guess it's on to Plan B, once I figure out what Plan B is.
So why should I work for what I want, and why should I do the things I'm supposed to do, if I'm not allowed the things I'm working for, or the things I'm supposed to be able to obtain?? Why not get high all day? I mean for real. All I fuckin want is a place where I can write and live with my cat and know she's safe and happy, so I can feel safe and happy too. It's been so long since I felt safe and happy. Is that even possible anymore?? Because that's all I want. Is that too much to ask?

Jam for the Day: You've Got No Right by Nirvana

Saturday, February 04, 2006

Just The Girl Next Door? I Don't Think So.

I have never had many girl friends. I have always been a guy’s gal. Most of my girlfriends have been of the same mold. And by "guy's gal" I don’t mean slut. I’m the girl-next-door younger sister-type that you drink beer and tell dirty jokes with but secretly jerk off to in the shower. Yeah. And that's cool and all, but girls like that don’t get all that much play. It sucks. But tonight, I realized that most of the guys I chill with after work at Freebirds have crushes on me. Most especially Rob. Let me first say that Rob is the bomb. You will never meet a nicer guy. He’s just the cutest thing, and he’s so tall, with longish hair…that is such a turn on for me. He’s in a band. Check. He's from Colorado (not Texas.) Check. Check. And when he smiles, it just makes me smile too, every time. I am kinda flustered upon realizing that I might have a shot at ‘ole Roberto. Except I'd rather fuck Jesse. Totally. It's getting pretty unbearable. I don’t know what I should do! Am I ready for any of this?? I mean a "relationship" at all? I don’t know! I’m afraid of everything. I am such an emo-pussy. Proof of this is that I could’ve kissed Blake in jubilation when he gave me a copy of some Neutral Milk Hotel albums. I can’t stop listening, I am on an indie-rock high. It's fucking awesome.

If you bore me then I'm comfortable, if you interest me I'm scared...

As much as I want and try to believe in love, I don't.

The child is grown; the dream is gone.

Also, I found out that Ricky's birthday is actually the same day as mine, how cool is that? We are birth-mates. So I decided to break in my new apartment with a party. Hostess is one of my favorite roles to play. We might also go to Dallas to The Toadies reunion concert too, I don't know. I need to hurry up and learn to play my guitar, dammit.

Jams for the Day: American Girl by Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers and The Return of Saturn (in it's entirety) by No Doubt

Beautiful Metaphor

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.
Blessed are the gentle, for they shall inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.
Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.
Blessed are those who have been persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are you when people insult you and persecute you, and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of Me.
Rejoice and be glad, for your reward in heaven is great; for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

Jam for the Day: That's The Way by Led Zeppelin

Friday, February 03, 2006

I Just Can't Help Myself

I believe in signs. If you are truly aware of your surroundings there are so many spiritual things to pick up on. I believe that if you interpret those things correctly, they can guide you through the world, and life itself, on a daily basis. As if the universe was trying to tell you something. I think that's what they mean in AA/NA when they talk about living day-to-day. Well I came up with my own way to make it through prison, recovery, and the workaday week. I will surely get blasted for this post, but I found this letter on the bus, all trampled and stained from so many shoeprints, because nobody cared, or more likely, wanted to hear what it had to say. I think I was supposed to find this letter, and I can't help but share it. (It was the postscript that did it.) And it's about time I pissed some people off anyway. I would like to explain more, but suffice it to say I think it was one of those signs. Some people call it coincidence, some people call it god, some people call it destiny. I like the idea that they are all tied together, and I am one of those people that happen to call that god. If you don't dig it, then ef you. Deal with it. It makes a point no matter what you believe.

A Letter To You From Satan

I saw you yesterday as you began your daily chores and you awoke without praying. As a matter of fact, you didn't even bless your meal you ingrate, or pray before bed last night. You are so unthankful; I like that about you. I cannot tell you how glad I am that you still have not changed your way of living. Fool, you are mine. Remember, you and I have been going steady for years now. And I still don't love you yet. As a matter of fact, I hate your sorry ass, because I hate God. I am only using you to get even with Him. He kicked me out of heaven, and I'm going to use you as long as possible to get vengence. You see, Fool, God loves You and He has great plans in store for you. But you have yielded your life to me, and I'm going to make it Hell. Literally. Haha. I 'm really showing Him who's boss in your life with all of the "good" times we've had. We have been watching porn, cussing, stealing, lying, being hypocritical, fornicating, overeating, gossiping, being judgmental, getting drunk and high, showing disrespect, and of course we've had a bad attitude the whole time, you and me. Surely you don't want to give all of this up... Come on Fool, let's burn forever. I've got some hot plans for us. This is just a letter of appreciation from me to you.

I'd like to say thanks for letting me use you for most of your foolish life. You are so gullible, it never ceases to amaze me. And then I laugh. When you're tempted, you always give makes me sick. You have no self-control. Now I'm beginning to take my toll on your life. You look older than you are, and you're too tired for your age, so now, I need new blood. So go ahead and have kids and teach them how to sin. By all means! All you have to do is smoke, drink, cheat, gamble, gossip, fornicate, and be as selfish as possible. That shoudn't be too hard for even a fool such as yourself. Do all of this in the presence of children and they will imitate you. Kids are like that, that's why they're my favorites. Well, I've got to go for now. I'll be back in a couple of seconds to tempt you again, don't worry. If you were as smart as you think you are, you would run somewhere, confess your sins, and live for God with what little bit of life you haven't wasted with me. It's not in my nature to warn anyone of anything, but to be your age and sin like you do; it's becoming a bit riduiculous! Don't get me wrong, I still hate you. It's just that you'd make a better Fool for Him than me.

Yours Truly,


P.S. If you really love me, you won't share this letter with anyone.

Jam for the Day: Sympathy for the Devil by The Rolling Stones