Monday, July 31, 2006

Austin from Austin

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Something fucking amazing happened this weekend. It starts with an innocent message, takes me to Barton Springs for the first time, listens to music and dances with me on Sunday afternoon, and makes love to me while looking into my eyes. That something is still in my bed this morning. That something amazing is named Austin. And he's wonderful. And I can't believe it. It's too good to be true. I can't go into too many details right now; I'm on a schedule and I still need to get back in bed to "wake him up," but I had to tell the world about Him, so to speak. Or at least ya'll. Heh. But I don't wanna leave you so excruciatingly hanging like that so I will tell a bit about my new man. A friend of a friend I've been acquainted with for several months now, He (again) is only 21. Not your usual 21 year old though. We have too much in common, if you know what I mean. But we have so much more in common than that even, which I simply cannot believe. You don't find many people like us out there. Seriously. And you wouldn't think that would be a make-or-break factor but it really is. I need a guy that can hang with me. That could have hung with me, and has the potential to hang with me in the future.
Check it out: He loves country music. But listen. He likes other music too, Radiohead for example. But country is his favorite--he "grew up on it" and doesn't give a shit if his friends hate it and think he's a dork, he's gonna listen to it in the car anyway because he doesn't give a fuck and is proud to stand up for what he likes, regardless of public "opinion." Kinda like me and Courtney Love. I can get down with that. He's also a fan of Bright Eyes. Yes. I myself was raised on a mixture of music, much of this being the very same "Texas-style" country music, so I think it's totally cute. Mainly it reminds me of good times perhaps? It's not my first choice, but I can totally kick it country-style. He said there was this particular country and western dance hall that he'd always wanted to go to but never had anyone to go with because everyone else is so lame. I was immediately trying on my old cowboy boots--very expensive maroon leather Tony Lama's with bright pink butterfies I picked out when I was young. Seriously. They still fit and they still rule. That sounds like hella-fucking fun. I could probably drink and Two-Step with Him all night long... And that's just one tiny example of why I think I may be falling for this Austin. He's real. He's a dork. He's got glasses. He's brilliant. He's funny. He's a Taurus. He's gentle and He's beautiful, and He's seemed to come out of thin fucking air, just as I had given up. It's amazing. And he actually likes me. He told me so, but more importantly, he's showed me so.

Jam for the Day: Fade Into You by Mazzy Star

Saturday, July 29, 2006

You Taught Me Everything About A
Poisoned Apple

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They say be careful what you wish for. I finally have the life I've always wanted and now I don't have the private time I'd gotten so used to nor do I have the time to write nor really even think about what I would write, although I see things I wonder about all the time. I even bought some fucking books to read and I don't even have time for them! (Those would be: Living Buddha, Living Christ by Thich Naht Hahn and A Million Little Pieces by James Frey, by the way.)
I went to a great party last weekend thrown by Emilie, a kindred spirit of mine, in which I knew almost everyone. I feel so established here in Austin, I know in my very soul that this is where I ultimately belong. After my travels and international love affairs, of course. But I digress. There were many people from Freebirds there. Remember that amazing night I spent with Jesse? He was there with his virgin girlfriend. Of course I acted cool; how could I not? I mean it's me for god's sake. But all kidding aside, that was simply frivolous birthday debauchery. That was months ago, I mean really. But at the party, when I innocently asked him where I could find the beer, he totally avoided looking me in the eyes. And you can bet I was paying good attention. All the while I'm remembering that the last time I'd seen him when I was working like a week beforehand he'd grabbed my ass, however subtly, as he walked by--and without even saying a fuckin word! And now he suddenly can't look me in the eyes to answer a simple question?! I don't understand guys. Lost all respect then and there. Why does he have to be so damned hot though? But that's how they always are. I've resigned myself to that I'm afraid. They make you think they're worth something, that they have something to give, then they can't/don't/won't deliver. Whatever. Story of my life. I'm over that. Yes, I'm lonely. Whatever. I've been lonely most of my life. I'm no stranger to it, as I laugh in the face of loneliness on a daily basis, however bitterly. Fuck it. I just don't have time for a man I can't fucking respect. Not anymore. And most definately not ever again. I'd fucking rather be Alone. I have the best friends a girl could ask for presently, and I'm simply overwhelmed with gratefulness at the turn my life and my very self have taken in the past year. The cool part is that I am still Blush. And I know I always will be. But I am like, Version 2.0 or something. There is more, there is less, there is different, and there is indifferent. (It makes me devastatingly curious about what may happen next...) Although apparently sometimes it can be quite overwhelming to people, as it to myself sometimes as well. I mean, I understand better than anybody. It only sucks that sometimes I would rather certain people simply be whelmed with me or something similar. Yes, whelmed. Or something similar. You know what I mean. No, you probably don't. You win some, you lose some. Right? Whatever.
All Apologies.
Happy Birthday to Dean Simon, and of course, mi hermana Daniella.
Did you know I was bilingual? Me niether. Pero hablo Español en todos dias a mi trabajo nuevo. Although it's been years since I was thisclose to fluency, I thought I had lost it. It really is like riding a bicicleta.
I love my new job. Words cannot describe how happy I am there. It's been quite accurately described to me as "the Cheers of gas stations."
My favorite bar, Ego's, which is next door to The Station and across from Freebirds even, plays drunken Jeopardy (with Alex Trebek) every weekday with the television at five o'clock, which happens to be right after I get off work. Rock On. Jeopardy just happens to be my favorite fuckin game and I've been playing along since I was knee high to a June Bug. (That's East Texan for small child.) I can't wait to go in there and whoop some barfly ass.
Oh yeah.
Last night Meagan, Samantha, and I all drank glasses of Riesling and smoked fancy cigarettes and read each others' poetry and art. Meagan delved into profundity when she wrote:
"the result of apathy, in everyone, is addiction"
I was stricken. Wow.
I once fancied myself a poet but gave it up long ago and have considered it an embarrassment ever since. But I felt so comfortable in their presence, I gave in. It's been published, so I guess I don't have anything to really be ashamed of. It was nice. A very intimate night indeed. They seemed to really like it, and I'm inspired to share a bit with you tonight.
This is for all the people out there with so much to say and no one to really say it to--
Too much revealed...
Learn to keep it sealed
I thought open was a good thing
But now I know it's nothing
I give away too much of myself,
Try and try though I begin to melt
Melting away at my very core
Just can't do it anymore
Day after day
I regret the words I say...
Silence is golden
I must learn to hold
Back; and hide my personality
I'll live in an alternate state of reality
Staring blankly, hiding fear
I dare not even shed a tear
Silence is broken as is the night
I run away from the terrible fright
Of being myself; Could I be someone new?
No, I doubt I'd fit those shoes.

Jam for the Day: Drain You by Nirvana

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

The Little Engine That Could

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So. So much. So much to say. How to say it? I haven't known how. It's getting so damn personal. Suddenly my fear is mucking up my creed. Creed. To thine own self be true and shit. Keeping it real. Whatever, that's all stupid angst kiddie shit. But this strong-willed angsty child doesn't seem to care so much anymore. Therein lies the problem. The rebellious, angsty child is at war with the conformative, demure woman inside of me. Laugh all you wish, but she's there. She's growing stronger by the day, and is embarrassed and repulsed by more and more. Ha. Me. Who would have thought it? You think the Middle East is in turmoil. Try dealing with opposing factions in your own mind. Yeah. I do it on a daily basis. So I turn myself off. I have to. Rock on. Laugh at the bad things and cry for the good things. Every now and then I'll get lost in a movie. Rock on. Sometimes special things happen that all of myselves agree on and enjoy. These are the happy times. But sometimes things go wrong. I guess this is what it means to be an adult?
I broke my celibacy over the weekend. Yeah, I totally caved. I just needed to feel strong arms around me. I was so terribly lonely. I broke down and called my 21-year old. He came over. He's different this time. More reserved. I had told him over the phone that I was celibate and that I wasn't feeling well anyway. And I had planned on staying celibate, I just wanted some male company. And then he starts apologizing to me. Tells me he's sorry for being so pushy. That he realizes he was being a dick and it's just that I'm "so sexy." He told me he liked me. He didn't say it like he liked me like that, because I don't really see how he could as he barely knows me, and as I've made it abundantly clear that I am in no hurry to have a boyfriend nor a relationship from day one. He said it like he meant that he cared about me as a person. This is something that I've been dying to feel from a guy, be he 21 or homeless or handicapped, whatever. I have lost nearly all my faith in that the male gender has any kind of capability to actually care about anything but themselves, ultimately. Sure they may have a whole list of things that they also like. Women being last on that list, I've felt sure of it. But he seemed genuine. At least he made me believe it at the time. And he wasn't all over me. Which, of course, turned me on. He spent the night for the first time and we had a pretty good time altogether. I was really surprised and I'm not sure what I think of it, because I don't like him like that, but I don't want to be lonely either. And more and more I'm reminded lately that I'm more and more lonely lately.
Recently I introduced Rob to my best friend. Ya'll know I've always had a little crush on Rob, but it's never been a romantic crush. He's just a great guy friend whom I care a lot about. Of course they hit it off like gangbusters. I knew they would. But I didn't know it would go as far as and like it has. It's not really a big deal, and to be truthful I'm very happy about the situation. There's nobody I'd rather him or her be with, and this would be the first time I would have gotten along with one of her guys, which would be nice for a change. But to be even more truthful I'm fucking jealous of them as all hell. The very idea makes me want to Destroy. Kill. Hate. Problem is, I don't know whether I hate the idea of losing my friends to each other or if I hate that I lack what they represent, ultimately. Either way I get this fucked up feeling that it's the beginning of some end.
And Meagan man, she's out of high school and really coming into her own. She's the little sister I never had. Now that she's found it, boy, she's got it. And getting it. Good for her. Guys are hitting on her, she's hitting on guys, and it's actually working. Heh. Never really has for me. I'm convinced it's because I'm an overweight loser who talks too much. I'd give anything if someone could convince me otherwise. In fact, that's all I ask for in this life.
I met my boss's fiancée today. Her name is Tesha and she's 27 years old. My boss is closer to 50. He's pretty good looking, and so is she--to say the least. When I talked to her we immedieately clicked and she straight up told me--verbatim--I like you already. We agreed that we should hang out. I told you my boss is the biggest bullshitter, as am I, and we get along so well that he's told me a lot of shit you wouldn't think the boss would tell you during your second week of work. But he told me about Tesha. And wouldn't you know that she's got basically the same "past" as I do. In the same county even! In fact she's still on probation for it. Just got out of rehab not too long ago. Well Hell's Bells. It's not often that I meet people of my ...background that have been through all the drug shit and the jail shit and made it out to live again. I mean I don't know any. But now I do. So I told my boss to tell Tesha to set me up with one of her cute guy friends HER age. Fuck all these little boys, but I'm not really looking to hook up with Mr. Robinson either.
What else?

I never get time to post anymore because my friends are constantly coming by. Be careful what you wish for I guess...
August will be the first month I pay my own rent and all my own bills. Ever.

I'm going to Austin City Limits Music Festival on Saturday in September. I'm so hype. Drunken Lens is coming down for it and we're gonna hang. Fucking aye.
I think I'm going to get my tattoos redone and dye my hair dark brown with chunky blonde highlights and thin light pink highlights.
There are a million types of Gatorade now. I remember when there was only Lemon-Lime. Am I old?
I became addicted to Diet RockStar (energy drink) just yesterday. It's liquid crack.
The Fire.
So Monday night, after coming home after working since 8am, I walk into a house full of smoke. Not thick and suffocating, rather, it was a thin but definate layer of smoke throughout the entire house. The smoke detectors are quiet as mice. At first I thought it was incense. But how the fuck would incense still be burning after 12 hours? So I freak and go all through the apartment looking for a fire only to find none. I am so confused I'm starting to panic. Luckily I had Bryce and Will with me. It was dark, and when they found the lamp, they noticed the mantle above the fireplace was smoking in one part and the wall was black. Oh did I mention the entire house was black? Everything was covered in soot.

Apparently I had missed a candle when I was blowing them out after my night with my 21-year old. And it burned all the way down and caught the pictures next to it on fire and destroyed them and melted my cell phone (which was broken anyway from dropping it in the club in Dallas) and had caught the drywall and the wooden block mantle on fire. It didn't spread because of the firewall, thank God. But that wooden block was just embers. I couldn't take it. I hadn't had my meds in two weeks and I just laid in bed and cried. The boys went into action and fixed it for me. Meagan shows up about 5 minutes into this, thank God again. Because my panic attack set in and she eased me through it. It's going to be okay, really, and pretty easy to fix. The boys said they would help. Now that I have my medicine (can you tell?) it's a pretty funny story and I'm actually looking forward to my little "home improvement" project.
Can you believe that shit?

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

I Smell Smoke! ..........Fucking Shit.

Eventful Monday night to say the least. I'll explain, when I finally get a free moment. I'll try for tomorrow night. How's that?? ...please say it's okay...
I'm working 60 hours a week. Yeah, heh. Wish me luck with that one, lazy as I am.
It's so going to pay off though.

Jam for the Day: Light My Fire by The Doors (but of course)

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Life's Been Good To Me So Far

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Oh man. I am really happy with my job at Chevron, which I've been calling The Station, so we'll go with that. The Station is right across the river from downtown, and right across from Freebirds, in a prime location so that we get a fair share of tourists and it's quite nice. There is a mural of Stevie Ray Vaughn on the outside wall. We are family-owned and sell lots of locally-made products, which is a big deal in Austin. (Keep Austin Weird.) Since we're family-owned, and simply lease out Chevron gasoline, instead of working for The Man, I'm working for someone who actually knows me as a person. This makes for a nice environment. My boss, the manager, is nuts. In a good way though. He's older and made his money as an executive for Whole Foods and does this for his friend to keep himself busy. After his divorce I think he started partying or something. He's the biggest bullshitter you ever met. Half of my job is just spent bullshitting with my boss. Or bullshitting with customers. We have lots of regulars. Like me; I was a regular. It may seem kind of funny that I'm so happy to be working at the fucking gas station but I doubt I'd ever work at any other. It's fucking easy and I get to stay inside. (It's fucking hot outside.) I get paid more than I do at Freebirds, and the same as I did at my tech support job, with way less stress and way more bullshitting. (I like bullshitting.) I'm going to be full time and that means I will have full medical coverage, and money to pay all my bills. It's funny but this seemingly dinky little clerk job is seemingly the answer to all of my problems. Problems I don't talk about here because they are so mundane. It's funny how the mundane problems can really bring you down. But I guess having money to buy groceries so that you can eat isn't really all that mundane. I feel like a ton of bricks just leapt off my shoulders.

Having a job that gives me the opportunity to make someone's day just that much better makes me so fuckin' happy.

Ain't no shame in my game.

Saturday, July 15, 2006

I Can't Complain But Sometimes I Still Do

This celibacy thing is a little more tricky than I thought. That's all I'll say about that. But I think it's definately a good idea. Though I fear I'll be awfully lonely and more than a bit boring. I love my new job at the Chevron. I'll be working all the time now so I'll finally have some money in my pocket. I am quite relieved about that. I also have good, close friends now that keep me occupied. I am quite happy with them. I have beautiful people to chat with during the in between times. I am quite happy with them as well. I am, however, troubled--by things so abstract nobody gets it, and it's not just you, it's just that nobody gets it. That's my problem. It's frustrating. Like today there was this Mexican gentleman in the Chevron asking for directions and have you ever given someone directions in Spanish?? Shit man. Broken Spanish no less. I just had to walk in at that moment. The problem is that I care too much. So I'm reaching for words and more or less straining to search the blurred archives of my brain and he's just looking at me, expecting me to give him what he needs. But I had only a bit of what he needed. I saw that the frustration in his eyes was just the same as in mine. It was awkward and I just wanted to get away. I feel exactly the same way now. I feel exactly the same way all of the time, about everything. Sucks.

Jam for the Day: Maps by The Yeah Yeah Yeahs

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Leap of Faith

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Dallas. Wow. We really painted the town Saturday night. From the club to the hotel to house. We just didn't stop. The guys put on an amazing show, really, the best I've seen of them. I wasn't screaming for nothing.
Band-Aids are there because of the music.
After hours of waiting through shitty metal bands for the results and slipping Meagan drinks, we finally got to go home to lick our wounds and drink some more. You'd think there'd be more to do at a hotel party. At the Plaza no less! So Danielle and I went onto the balcony next door and started making paper airplanes out of the phonebook and lighting them on fire to throw at our counterparts next door. Probably how Led Zeppelin got their start, eh? I came thisclose to pissing myself. Really. Yes, sometimes we act like we're 7 years old, so what? That's my sister and I never see her, so ef you. When we bored of that, we grabbed Rob and Jackson and brought them back with us to the house. Danielle's roof has this badass pool and hot tub and all us girls' feet were just screaming for it. Then of course was pool time. I stayed in the hot tub and watched everyone play. As the sun came up, and people coupled up, I didn't mind being alone. Because even though I was at that particular moment, I didn't feel alone at all. It was the happiest night of my life to see all my friends so happy together. And with me too.
I had my world.

Hold the feeling
When you really own it
It's not suitable for rhyme
It's what changes time
From a minute to a moment...

Finally I feel like I've rested. Seemed like I hadn't slept in days. I am actually without medication right now, for financial reasons, which fucks up my sleeping real bad. But I am toughing it out, brave little soldier that I am. Shouldn't last too much longer. Especially since I got a new job yesterday. Today I am officially a Clerk. I'll be peddling overpriced gasoline and overpriced cigarettes for Riverside Chevron during my days now. I know I mentioned this before but that's My Chevron, and as insignificant as it is, I'm really excited to be working there. Mostly for the prescription drug plan, heh. Can't live without that. But I'm also really good acquaintances with the other peeps that work there. This ghetto girl, named--of all things-- Danielle, got me the job. I think I have good luck with that name for some reason. But after being in jail for so long I've grown a deep affection for the ghetto girls, especially the sweet ones. Once last winter she helped me buy the good but cheapest kind of medicines they had when I was sick with the flu and my old roomate was in Lufkin and I didn't have anyone. I'll never forget that. I suppose in my own way I'm kinda ghetto myself. Well I mean I've seen more on the streets than all of my friends. I'm looking forward to getting to know her better. A girl can't have too many girlfriends!

Speaking of having too many girlfriends, I think I've made a decision. No. You wish. Worse. I'm giving celibacy a go again. The guys I've slept with haven't been worthy of me and I know it. It bites. And so another one bites the dust.
I challenge you:
Why waste my time with things I won't regret but won't remember?
I can only hope that one day a Man will come along that I find worthy enough to give myself to once more. It's an open-ended leap of faith for sure.
I won't be holding my breath.

A sarcastic asshole that can write like the devil will be the death of me. This I know.

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

The Deng Geng


The Geng

Young French Attack


Early-Morning Gargoyles at Play

Sunday, July 09, 2006

My Head Feels Like I Must Have Had Fun

And I really did. The Deng didn't quite win, but came close with a fourth place finish out of I can't remember how many bands, but lots of them. The guys took it pretty well. Frenchie got best guitarist so he won a new one. Rock. And they did. Obviously they should have won. I did enough screaming I think. Hopefully I'll find my voice tomorrow, because I've lost it today. Jeff Gordon won the race while we were driving home. I wish I had tivo. I'll tell ya'll all about my fantastical adventure tomorrow after some much needed sleep. I mean it's not just every night you see the sun come up...
in a hot tub
on a rooftop
in downtown

Jam for the Day: 40 Ounces to Freedom by Sublime (in it's entirety)

Saturday, July 08, 2006

The Deng In Dallas

Wish us all good luck, and may the power and majesty of Rock and Roll be with us!

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Soldier Girl

This was in the yard next door to the Shambhala Center where I meditate.
I swear I love this fucking town.

We had a really interesting discussion tonight about fear. The book we are discussing spoke of establishing an intimacy with fear. The author stressed that we, as human beings, don't know anything. This is what we are fearful of. Within the unknown there is a groundlessness that deprives us of all security. Because we know nothing, this is inevitable. But you can conquer this fear if you embrace it and become intimate with it. Know your fears. Become vulnerable. Invite pain. Delight in suffering. You will only learn from it. You will only grow through it. The most courageous warrior is the one who wears his heart outside of his armour. Or in this case, hers.

I am so excited about this weekend I can't even allow myself to think of it because I may just burst with glee. Me, my bestest girlfriends, and a Rock and Roll band. In the "Big D" even. Sounds like a daydream I've had much more than once. We are with "the band." Almost like real life Band-Aids. Fucking aye. I can't think of a better way to spend a weekend.
Rock. Band-Aids

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness

Let Freedom Ring.
Don't ever let them tell you the American Dream is dead. Fucking Naysayers.
Have a Happy and Safe Fourth of July.
Jam for the Day: America, Fuck Yeah! by Trey Parker and Matt Stone

Monday, July 03, 2006

Texas Skies

Taken just now. And why I will always call Texas Home.

Dreadful Selfish Crime

My fingernails are dirty. I need to brush my teeth. We partied and drank at my house all weekend. Took a bag of beer bottles to the trash this morning. There's a swimsuit in the bathtub. Dishes in the sink. Meagan ended up spending the whole weekend. We've been wearing each other's clothes. Had lots of different people over. FB even showed up. Then he wanted me to be all over him in front of my friends. I'm not into pda to begin with, but that just wasn't happening. Rob and Meagan had already discussed a late night swim while they were at work, so we were all getting ready to go when he and another friend came knocking. And we had a good little party of three going on! Dammit! FB was acting a fool for my attention. The longer he stayed the more I despised him. I'm sure it is just a projection of disappointment in myself. I came into my room at one point to the computer for a moment, and he followed me in and came up behind me and bit my neck. Gross! So out of context!! How many times have I told him I don't fucking like that?? It's like he just doesn't give a shit. So he gave me no choice but to freeze him out and although I felt somewhat bad ignoring him, I felt it necessary. He left in an obvious huff. Whatever. Once I sleep with someone I don't like I find myself hating them. I better stop before I end up hating myself.

After I didn't "go to the bedroom" with Carlos, I talked to him a couple times, but haven't seen him. He didn't call back last night. Imagine.

You may wonder why I seem so jaded sometimes. Obviously worse shit has happened to me "romantically" you might say. But that's the past. I just don't see any love in any man I meet. I watch it on the screen, I hear it on the radio, and I read it in books. But I don't see it at all. It's the most depressing thing I've ever encountered.

I watched Gone With The Wind for the first time in a long time last night. It was so hot.
I haven't gotten laid in a good while.

Jam for the Day: Fuck and Run by Liz Phair

Saturday, July 01, 2006

Lazy Day

What's with me and the butterflies?

Red-Hot Meaganish
Jam for the Day: Barometer Soup by Jimmy Buffett

Lapsus Linguae

Lately I've been looking around life and really liking what I'm seeing. There is so much beauty to behold. I'm very busy with friends. I don't have half enough money, but I get by with no problems. All my friends are starting to know each other to the point that we all know each other. There is only one person left out of things, but I fear she desires it so. I am probably yesterday's news. But even if that is the case, I wouldn't be surprised. She wouldn't be the first, and I doubt she'll be the last. Oh of course it's my fault. I only wish I had a temper so I could vent my frustrations now and again without feeling so damn guilty. But that's another story. The guilt. The pain. Will it never go away?
Telle est la vie.
Check out my screen door. There's a butterfly hanging upside-down on it. It was kind enough to let me take it's picture. I think it's beautiful. Beauty. Like what I wanted to write about in this post. Instead there's something nagging at the very core of my heart that I just can't talk about. Again with the fear. Always the fear. Will I ever be fearless again, like when I was on the drugs? I think if I were to be, I'd need someone to have my back. I mean really have it. And I do have my girls. But they are about as strong as me when you get down to it, God love 'em. I need strong arms. Thick legs. Big hands. I am "boy crazy" for a real man. Figure that one out. I had Carlos and his boys over on Friday night for an impromptu party with Rob after work. Meagan and her girl came over and a couple more. We drank a bottle of Southern Comfort. Shots. Yeah. Carlos wanted to go to the bedroom. I told him no. Good times were had nonetheless. Then everyone left and I passed out only to wake up with a hangover early in the morning like I do. So I mean, this whole love 'em and leave 'em and drink like a fish shit every weekend that the people "my age" are into is just fucking exhausting. Mentally and physically. It most definately has it's pitfalls, to say the least. Really, the whole thing is bullshit and I know that, I just wanna play the game before the proverbial bank breaks wide the fuck open. Feel me? However, I do think it's unfortunate that I've fallen into this kind of cynicism. It's the very same generational cynicism I never wanted to fall into. But I guess that's what real life can do to a girl sometimes. Though I doubt it would take much more than The One to change everything, all at once.

damnant quod non intelligunt...

Jam for the Day: Debaser by The Pixies