My fingernails are dirty. I need to brush my teeth. We partied and drank at my house all weekend. Took a bag of beer bottles to the trash this morning. There's a swimsuit in the bathtub. Dishes in the sink. Meagan ended up spending the whole weekend. We've been wearing each other's clothes. Had lots of different people over. FB even showed up. Then he wanted me to be all over him in front of my friends. I'm not into pda to begin with, but that just wasn't happening. Rob and Meagan had already discussed a late night swim while they were at work, so we were all getting ready to go when he and another friend came knocking. And we had a good little party of three going on! Dammit! FB was acting a fool for my attention. The longer he stayed the more I despised him. I'm sure it is just a projection of disappointment in myself. I came into my room at one point to the computer for a moment, and he followed me in and came up behind me and bit my neck. Gross! So out of context!! How many times have I told him I don't fucking like that?? It's like he just doesn't give a shit. So he gave me no choice but to freeze him out and although I felt somewhat bad ignoring him, I felt it necessary. He left in an obvious huff. Whatever. Once I sleep with someone I don't like I find myself hating them. I better stop before I end up hating myself.
After I didn't "go to the bedroom" with Carlos, I talked to him a couple times, but haven't seen him. He didn't call back last night. Imagine.
You may wonder why I seem so jaded sometimes. Obviously worse shit has happened to me "romantically" you might say. But that's the past. I just don't see any love in any man I meet. I watch it on the screen, I hear it on the radio, and I read it in books. But I don't see it at all. It's the most depressing thing I've ever encountered.
I watched Gone With The Wind for the first time in a long time last night. It was so hot.
I haven't gotten laid in a good while.
Jam for the Day: Fuck and Run by Liz Phair
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