White People Love to Say "Bling"

I know it's been a long time but not much has changed, not that anyone cares. I'm still struggling through this rehab thing, still living with my parents. I feel as if I should have some kind of degree in abnormal psychology by now but alas, I have nothing of the sort. I do have a job however. I am the head baker at the cookie store in my local mall. We only have one. I'm the novelty act on display for everyone at the fuckin Mall doing my thing for minimum wage, which actually makes me quite the popular person, as everyone wants a cookie. I see people that I went to high school with on a pretty regular basis. People I haven't seen in years and years. People whose names I forget until the moment they walk away. People whose respect I always wished to have, though I've never been quite sure why. Now I'm selling them cookies. At least I can still make their children smile.

Otherwise I hate the mall-people. Seething hatred that burns through my very veins, not unlike a drug. Everytime I see them I hate them more. I watch and I wonder at the market rabble and pray to God that I don't become one of them, though I fear it too late. I mean, I've been to the mall. I've been one of them. It's scary and it's true. It's scary because it's true. That's the nature of the beast, eh?

Austin is away for several months dealing with legal issues. I suppose that's the nature of that beast they like to call "addiction." Unfortunately, I have been there before, so I understand. My poor baby!

So I am all on my own these days. Well, me and the cast of Law and Order: SVU, which is by and far my favorite company kept. Detectives Stabler and Benson are fucking hardcore. And when there's predatory sex involved it's easy to despise the enemy. I always seem to somehow identify with the perps when there's only murder involved, like in other Law and Orders. I can just see how that was one fucked up situation. Maybe that's my inner anger. Probably. Or perhaps my never-quite-make-it-to-the-finish-line ethical situation mixed with compromised values, which makes watching the E! channel just that much more fun.