With Love from Lufkin

Tomorrow I start training for my new position as Manager at the Cookie Company. Although a minor accomplishment, I am very proud because I've worked my ASS off for those guys all through the holidays. I've never been a manager, and I'm fairly excited. I finally feel like I've reached something--whatever it is I've been working towards. I STILL need to finish my Relapse Prevention Plan. I know, I know...I just want to be resolute when I actually do make it, and Cold Feet have become an issue. It just seems like a huge step and it's kinda scary. I think I'll make it in my own time.

I got two dozen roses from Austin for Christmas. They are beautiful.

Beautiful.

I love him. I miss him. I think 2008 will be a good year for us.

(that's obviously not the correct date)

Christmas was cool. I shot skeet for the first time, with a 12-gauge. I'd never shot a gun before. I missed my first shot, but hit every one of the rest. 4 of 5 shots. I made the guys jealous.

I love that.

In case any of ya'll have ever wondered where in the hell it is I live, I now have something of an explanation, thanks to a certain Mr. Tom Hanks and a particular Ms. Julia Roberts. I imagine you've heard of the new movie Charlie Wilson's War. Charlie Wilson is a politician from Texas, not only from Texas, but from my very own small, deep East Texas town of Lufkin. Not only from my hometown, the aforementioned Mr. Wilson actually lived in my neighborhood of Brookhollow, down the street. Represent!

Thank God I didn't see any ex-boyfriends (this means you Gingerfish) here in

L-Town, which is always a perilous feat during the holidays. Although they're not quite over yet. I'll be for damned sure keeping my fingers crossed.

Jam for the Day: Big Girls Don't Cry by Fergie

Santa Baby

This is my picture-gift to Austin in Rehab. He's not allowed to have a proper Christmas with gifts and such. I remember what that was like, so I can't let my baby feel unloved this year. I miss him terribly.

So I did this at the Mall on my lunch break. HoHoHo.

Otherwise, I think the Big Yellow Sign speaks for Itself.

Jam for the Day: Blue Christmas by Elvis Presley

To My Future Mother-In-Law

Dear Sheryl,

I am so sorry I haven't been in touch with you. I pray you don't take this personally, and I sincerely hope you know that I simply ADORE you and your family. You know I love your son. Please don't think I havn't felt guilty about not calling you. I know I already told you about my issue with other people's mothers from situations in my past. And after staying with you and going to see Austin together I really felt like I had gotten over that. And I had! But now, I'm realizing it's a much, much, deeper problem. I know you think you went through one of the most dismal family situations, and I know you did, but as nuclear as my family may be, mine is perhaps more tragic. My family doesn't know how to be a family. Not at all. And we are one! We are not close, and go for months without seeing or speaking to each other sometimes. As hard as it is for me to feel like part of a real family, a close family, it's even harder for me to feel like part of someone else's family. And being in what I feel is the lowest part of my bipolar cycle, I just procrastinate and procrastinate until surprise! it's been two weeks--months sometimes. It's also been an interesting experience becoming engaged and realizing how much that changes things and how much I have to change to meet the challenge. That on top of this rehab thing and being so far away from Austin keep me fairly stressed out. I hope you understand. I will call you sometime this week and we'll talk.

I love you Sheryl, and could never ask for more in you...

Love,

Blush