Put Another Dime in the Jukebox Baby

So Rob and I have this new business venture. Right. We are both broke as fuck and need money something awful. We were thinking about becoming tag-team gigolos. Surprisingly, this has been a topic of conversation for various intriguing reasons. And so we discussed the pros and cons like rational people do. I know I can trust Rob. We figured we could make more money working as a team though. Rob suggested that we practice beforehand...
So that we could be more professional, of course.
I told Rob that I couldn't believe it could have come to this and he just laughed and shook his head. We both come from some money and are trying to make it on our own for the first time. So the question arose, why are we giving it away for free??
Haha?
It would be funnier if I weren't half serious.
Because last night, right, I had a guy over. Ethan. A friend of a friend. He was just dropping something off for me, and we sat down to visit. I had been to a party with this guy several months ago and we ended up kissing, not because I liked him so much, but because he was charming and insistant. This being the case, I was nervous upon his arrival. So he makes mention of Dinah being jealous because she must have known he was going to kiss me. And then he did. Within minutes he is all over me. So we are making out and finally I push him away in complete confusion. I say,
"I don't understand why you want me so bad."
"You're a beautiful woman..."
"No..." I protest.
"When I see your body..."
I blush.
"You've got such a good touch..."
Commence the making out.
So one thing leads to another and before I know it he is inhaling me and we are in the bedroom and I am out of breath. It all happened so fast, I don't know what to think of it. He spoke Spanish to me. He said all the things I had been needing to hear. He was completely overamorous. He has this crazy ego. Not so arrogant, but his overconfidence amused me. I guess it's easy to be overconfident when you are so young. Yes I said so young. Not as young as Yossarian's skirt but pretty damn close. At least as close as I want to get.

So I had sex last night, big deal. I've understood all my life that I was supposed to feel used or guilty or somehow trashy for having sex. I always thought that was bullshit, and I'm finding out more and more that I am right. There have been very few times I've had sex and felt bad about it later. Does that make me a slut?? Or am I just promiscuous?? I don't feel fucking promiscuous, should I? I really just feel like Blush, either way. So this morning I added him to the proverbial "list." Wow. I have slept with so many more people than I ever imagined I would. I mean, ya'll know I am the hugest dork. I guess that means there's hope for everyone though. As far as sex goes anyway.

But what I really want is love. I remember driving all night just to look upon Gingerfish's lips. Just to smell his skin and run my fingers through his curls. When I finally made it there, I walked in to find him asleep in his chair, clutching a bourbon glass, the sweetest smile on his face. As I walked over to him, the ice clinked in the glass as it melted. I woke him with a kiss. I'll never forget the look on his face or the feeling in my heart. Absolute relief. Relief just to be with him again, if just for the night. In that fleeting moment everything was perfect. Just to be together. I didn't feel that last night. I haven't felt that for a long time. I want to feel that again.
That's all.

Jam for the Day: The Difficult Kind by Sheryl Crow