Something is up with me and Austin. Or maybe just Austin. It's worrisome and I'm a tad bit melancholy over it. I feel so very far away from him, and it hurts me to see him obviously unhappy, though he vehemently denies it. What I understand, which is very little as he totally avoids discussing it, is that he is afraid that things are perhaps moving too quickly and because his last relationship kinda hit him hard, as far as being able to love again, which I completely understand. It's just hard to see him and know he's got something on his mind that I could perhaps soothe, but he just won't let the cat out of the proverbial bag on this one. So he is being all nonchalant all of a sudden all, I'll see you when I see you type shit. That's okay. I feel positive I will see him/smell him/feel him once again soon.
Hold on loosely; But don't let go
If you hold too tightly, you're gonna lose control...
In other news, Steph and I went to Barton Springs today and had a great time. I don't think you can go to The Springs and not have a great time. Things are going well at my job, although I'm still having trouble paying the bills, which I doubt will ever go away so I'm pretty zen about that. Last night I went to see Joey's brother's band play downtown, and took Meagan with me. Joey, and his brother, and his little sister were all there so Meagan got to meet a part of my past face to face. A pretty big part, I mean I was part of the family for so long. Joey's sister ran up to me and hugged me. She's a married woman now! It was pretty cool seeing all of them again. I was just so happy to be remembered. I worry about that, I don't necessarily know why. But how ironic is it that the first night Austin and I are on the outs and he wants to go hang out with his friends is the very same night my major ex-boyfriend is in town and is where I'm going to be, sans his girlfriend and my boyfriend. What kind of shit is that? Of course I told Austin and asked him if he would be uncomfortable with that and his answer was "I don't give a fuck." I wasn't sure how to take that, except that he really might've given a fuck. So I didn't want to go cause I knew it would look bad if I went by myself so I'm glad Meagan was able to come because I would never want Austin to be jealous, because he has no reason to be. I hope that's not why he's acting this way. I hope it's because he just loves me and doesn't know how to deal with it all just yet. I don't know why that's what it would be, but I can still hope, right?
5 comments:
Us recovering addicts are strange birds, Blush. Sometimes our heads just start a-spinnin' and it takes a while for us to pull out.
It'll be okay.
You don't have to be a recovering addict to suffer from the head spinning.
At the moment I'm somewhat terrified that R is about to give me the elbow so all I can say to you is what I'm saying to myself:
It'll all work out. Whatever happens will happen for the best. You've got through worse in the past. You're strong enough to deal with anything life throws your way.
By the way, do Freebirds deliver trans-atlantic? I was just looking at the menu and it looks good
hey dont forget im a recovering addict too!
and beth, its funny that you mention trans-atlantic freebirds. i heard a story about a soldier overseas whose favorite food was a freebird burrito and his mom would buy one and wrap it up with loads of foil and send it to him in iraq or wherever. and it was apparently still edible. yeah.
he knows all about the ole blog but doesn't need to read it because it'd be redundant, mr. freedom of lies. im not big on lies myself, so i have nothing to hide with my innermost thoughts and feelings on the internet. in fact i have urged him to please read it, and he has read a bit, and liked it very much.
you seem to have some kind of aggression toward me and im not sure why.
regardless, he was not jealous.
its something entirely different, something that he's dealing with. ill tell you about it later, because it pertains to me as i have dealt with such problems before personally and am about to deal with it again i think...
oh but he does fart febreeze...
i love you reverend dan.
glad youre back, now stay put!
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