Sometimes you can go back home again.

This morning I woke up feeling refreshed and content. My heart is mended. I had a long overdue visit with my family, and with the friends that I consider family. It was the Lufkin of my youth. Oh, but it was different. Went to the Stadium and watched my brother walk the stage number 8 in his class. Voted LHS Most Talented. All scholared up and ready to party. Wow. And the stadium. Where many of my most cherished memories were made. Now with Astroturf. I watched my brother receive his diploma on the "jumbotron." The Valedictorian's speech made me cry. "The real world is where you always come back to; it's the people that love you--Lufkin." This is a guy whose older brother took me to Homecoming my Senior year. Yeah. I chatted with beloved teachers like old friends. And then went to the bar with the oldest of friends, one in particular in town from the Air Force. So I let him beat me at billiards. Heheh. We were mostly all together again, for the first time in years. It was just like old times, times that I imagined were gone and all but forgotten. We stayed up all night talking just like the proverbial good old days. I finally got to visit some friends at the cemetary. I left flowers for Kellie, Shea, and Matt. I know one day I will be right here with them, in the garden with all my friends and family. Maryanne even poured me my very first shot of Jagermeister this weekend. All in Lufkin. And I have this ex-boyfriend, right. We were together a few years ago, during the most fucked up time of our lives. Thus going through quite a bit together. Junkiedom, Jail, nor Houston could hold a candle to the shittiness that was the Summer of 2003. And it was complete randomness. So when it was over we both just sort of split, leaving everything undone. Now he's engaged to a wonderful girl whom I used to eat lunch with everyday in 11th grade. We hung out for most of the weekend, the three of us. It may sound bizarre but it was perfect because we are grown now and we know better. We love better. And that's why they're the friends I call my family.

While in Austin my family and I went to the Texas State History Museum. Thank god I'm from such a cool fucking place.

I went to Church on Sunday. It was time to thank God formally for answering my impassioned prayers as He did. I don't discuss spiritual matters here very much but I've made no secret to my christianity, even though I have some interesting, if not unusual, ideas on the whole matter. So bear with me. The Sunday School lesson was about "The Uncertainty of Life." A bit ironic in my situation, I thought. So I kept my ears open. Our Baptist preacher spoke on "The One Least Likely." He said that god uses people in the least likely of situations to accomplish the greatest of deeds. People like Moses and Noah. David or Joseph. Jesus. He told me that god uses the unlikeliest among us to prove to mankind that He is God. I like this notion quite a bit. No one ever put it to me like that. I also like to think that He does this to inspire the rest of the world--people like me--who are broken and fearful. Like we can channel Him in our moments of weakness. When they opened the altars for Invitation, I knelt to pray. I had so much to tell Him. I closed my eyes and lowered my head but my mind went blank and I wept. But He knew. That's why I love Him. It was the most beautiful feeling. It's the reason I'm alive.

Am going to a Buddhist Meditation class tonight with Steph. I can't effin wait.

Swing me
Way down South
Sing me
Something brave from your mouth
And I'll bring you
Pearls of water from my hips
All the love in my lips
All the love from my lips...

Jam for the Day: Truth No.2 by The Dixie Chicks