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Then, earlier this evening, I noticed that Joey was actually online. I hadn't seen him online in years! I messaged him and congratulated him on his graduation from A&M. And he didn't ignore me! I just knew after how things went last Easter that it was more over than over. But maybe, just maybe, he's still my Joey down deep inside. A close guy friend once told me that if you asked any given man who he'd be more apt to think about if he were on some deserted island, that the answer would be his first, rather than say, his most recent conquest. We will see how strong that bond really is I guess, because, although he travels and lives out of hotel rooms for his new career, he just happens to be in Austin this weekend to see his brother's band play. And he doesn't have a place to stay the night. He told me to call him when I got off work. I did and he gave me concise instructions on how to make his burrito. I almost hung up the phone with a "goodbye, I love you!" simply by force of habit. Thank god I stopped myself, wouldn't that have been a fuckin disaster?!
It's later now and I just talked to him so I know for sure he's coming. Oh my god. I never thought I'd see him again. When he told me over the computer that he would come see me and Dinah (who he helped raise) I just started crying. Emotional overflow. There is so much more to this story that I won't divulge, but suffice it to say I owe him my life, figuratively and literally. And after everything, that idea that he would still want to be my friend, if just now and again, just choked me the fuck up. He really is something special. He said that he was a little drunk. I told him to be careful driving. Being drunk makes things a bit interesting. It is also quite late at night. And I live by myself now.
No! I have no intention of having ex-sex with Joey but I am still nervous about it. In fact I went ahead and put lotion on so I'd be soft just in case. (Yes, I am completely pathetic...but you dont want to get caught with your pants down, so to speak. ...See what I did there? Oh yeah.)
Anyway, will I be able to resist his fine ass if he makes a move on me? I don't know. Wait. That's a lie. I do know. Let's just say that I doubt it very much. It would be so nice to be in familiar arms again. And he's beautiful. And he's Joey. He's been there and done that with me. But that is the real reason I am so glad to see him now. I am finally the Blush that he always knew I could be. He was there for me through so much...he didn't have to put up with all my bullshit, but he did, and he did it because he loved me. Oftentimes I doubt I'll ever find someone who'll ever even begin to love me like he did. He was my lover, my best friend, my brother, my father, and even sometimes my mother if you can believe that. And I tried my best to be the same to him. I would have been lost in the world without Joey. And when I did lose him, that's exactly where I was--lost. But the years have passed and I've found myself. No, listen to that again... I've found myself. On my own. And I know he will be so proud of me. I can't wait for him to see it all. Only he could be, because only he knows just how truly far I've come. He always told me I could do it. He was always right.
Follow up tomorrow...
Jam for the Day: Cool by Gwen Stefani
1 comment:
He does sound like a wonderful guy and I think now is a great time to see him again. Awww, Blush! I'm giddy with excitement for you!
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