I've Made A Decision

All of a sudden I know what to do with my life. Check it. I'm serious. When I was in jail, I really got into watching Oprah. I thought it was dorky, but you can't control what's on tv in there most of the time. I fell in love. I looked forward to that show every day. Oprah is my number one hero. She keeps it real. She talks about shit on her show that most people won't touch with a ten foot pole unless they are making fun. And she's always good. She's true about her own life. She has, and she gives. She fucking makes people's dreams come true. She's even launched a private campaign to catch child molesters, and has caught several since the start of the program for god's sake. I just spent an hour crying cathartically at Oprah telling the most wonderful stories I've ever heard. In jail the women would always talk about the letters they were going to write to Oprah so she could make their dreams come true. I always thought I should write a letter. I mean, I'm a spoiled brat and all, but I do have a sob story myself. But you can't fool Oprah. She will know if you're just in it for a new fucking car. I love Oprah because you can see the real thrill she gets out of bringing joy to others. I get the same kick. Just as much kick as I ever got from drugs. That's why I actually really like my shitty customer service jobs--because I really do enjoy helping other people. In fact I often go beyond scope to help someone, to hell with the floor manager's bitching. If I can help someone, I'm going to. More than once I've wished I was Oprah just so I could build someone a house, or give them a car, or make their wildest dream come true just because. And so it hit me today:
I know what I will write Oprah!
First, I've got to finish recovering from my drug addiction (not discussed in this blog, but still very much an issue) and then I've got to finish my bachelor's degree in communications, which I love. In fact, I wanted to be in broadcasting. But I'm working--IN communications--and it sucks. It's just a job. How will I ever make a career out of these shitty jobs?? The only chance I have is to find a job that I truly love. A job I care about as much as myself. A job I believe in. I think that's what constitutes a career. And with no husband, a girl needs a career! What I truly love, what I care about, what I believe in, is joy. Happiness. That look on someone's face when you've given them what they so desperately need and desire. What if Oprah let me help her do her good work?? What if I could help her make people's wildest dreams come true?? What an awesome job! I could work on the show, or the magazine, the fucking book club, the Angel Network--all that is right up my alley. That would be the shiz. So I'm thinking, if I make it, I mean if I can actually beat the odds and stay clean and finish school, become an "upstanding" citizen, then I could write Oprah that she's been my inspiration throughout, from the bottom to the middle, and if I could only work for her, work to help make other people's dreams come true, work for the greater good of social consciousness, then that would in turn make my ultimate dream come true--loving others, loving myself, and loving life. Because that's all I really wanna do. Then I could be on top. Then I could have something to believe in. I think Oprah will understand and appreciate that and give me a job, don't you?

And that's good enough reason for me. Chicago, here I come!