I'm Weak but not Giving In

So I decided to go for it and I put my new pic up on Hot or Not. So far 341 peeps have rated me and I average out at 7.5. Apparently I am hotter than 72% of women on the site. Which is nothing to be ashamed of, I guess. Some sorry motherfuckers rated me at 1. That's some cold shit right there. Oh well. It is Christmas Eve Eve, so I suppose I'll forgive them, because some other gorgeous souls rated me at 10. (Thank You.) This will be the first Christmas I have celebrated with my family in two years. Last year I was in jail, and the year before that I was just too high to make it. I guess we will see how much has changed. And I just found out my Dad will be picking me up at the airport and is actually going to Christmas with my Mom's family. This hasn't happened in years. It's not so much that they don't get along, but more that my dad is kinda grinchish about Christmas. ...So I am super stressed out, but not because of any of that. I am nervous about the future. I can't even allow myself to think about it all because I start to feel the anxiety rise in my chest, and I can't afford myself panic attacks and shit like that anymore. It is so hard to be an adult sometimes. My Christmas presents for my parents pretty much suck, but I really hope they like them. I put a lot of thought into them. The weather is beautiful here, but not like Christmastime at all. I guess it's hard for me to get in the spirit, sitting here by myself all week long. I need to be around people. I derive my energy from them. Like a sponge. And right now I am parched. What I really need is someone to hold me and make me believe that everything will be okay so I can regain my strength.

A new goal in my life is to score a recurring role on my favorite soap opera Passions. That and I want to be the Air Guitar Champion of the World.

Is it wrong that I like Kelly Clarkson as much as I do?? Since You Been Gone is the fucking jam I swear.

Jam of the Day: Blue Christmas by Bright Eyes