You Gotta Keep Em Separated

Weekends kick my ass. I mean for real. Why can't I just have a week full of Thursdays? Then I'd never be this tired...

So on Friday I got paid and was going to the ATM. I was standing at the bus stop, and a friend from work pulls up in front of me and is like, get in. I'm like, whoa! I'm still not so used to running into people I know. I have this idea in my head that I have no friends and that nobody likes me. I consciously know this is retarded, but it's like, written in my heart or something. I am still trying to erase it. Anyway, I get in the car and bam, I have a ride to the ATM, so things are already sweet. He was on his way to Freebirds to get my number for a mutual friend and coworker, Emilie, who is actually the girl that had the party where I drank the Everclear a couple of months ago. Apparently, she was having a party and really wanted me to come because I'm so cool. I'm glad someone notices. And Emilie is a girl after my own heart. She writes, she paints, she's cute as a fucking button...she reminds me of me in my younger, less jaded days. It's refreshing. Anyway, it's kinda early so I'm just hanging out with Bryce until the party starts. We go over to his friend's house. As soon as I walk in the door, this guy is like, falling all over himself just talking to me. I'm flattered but instantly annoyed. Anyway, he's kinda funny, kinda cute. He's younger than me...I don't mind him so much. But he is after me something serious. So we all go to the party and I drink too much Lone Star beer and Gin and cranberry juice, in the wrong order. I spend the first half of the party listening out of the corner of my ear for that guy to introduce himself to someone because I couldn't remember his name. It's not that I forgot it either. It's like, I never gave a shit. But I could see where this was going, and if I didn't know his name by the end of the night, it would be my folly. So I finally find out it's Ethan, which I find funny because he's Hispanic. Which was such a turn on to me, but I just can't go there. He reminded me of two too many other guys I've been with, major ones. But I guess it was the libation; I couldn't help but flirt with him. I was regretting it later. Meanwhile, Emilie and I are dancing around the room to Bright Eyes. I sit down to rest and talk to Ethan and she's dancing with some guy now...all of a sudden, she runs over to us and surprises me with the sweetest kiss on the lips. It wasn't sexual at all; it was one of the nicest things that has happened to me in years. I think we are going to be great friends. So I'm leaving the party, and of course this guy Ethan is on his shit. He hasn't been drinking. It was absolutely no surprise that he was going to kiss me. So I went ahead with it. I mean he did tell me how pretty I was all night long. It was nothing spectacular. But I shouldn't have because now he thinks I like him. This is why I try to stay home...

In other news, I think I might have a crush on a REAL guy for the first time in years. There is this guy, Blake, that works in the kitchen. He is just...I mean his hair, his music, his laugh...he's got gentle eyes. And he's older than me. Honestly I'm not too keen on kitchen boys...but I think I could roll with this guy. Or maybe he could roll with me. But don't get the idea that this REAL infatuation is any more healthy than my IMAGINARY ones...I'm afraid I like him because he reminds me of a great love lost. Except he doesn't like Led Zeppelin. And I don't want anyone to remind me of Him. I think I'm too afraid to go for it anyway. What if it's too real?? Can I handle that?

We will see...

Jam for the Day: In the Aeroplane Over the Sea by Neutral Milk Hotel