The Crowds Keep Me Coming Back

Thanks to everyone for their lovely comments. Each one of you is so unique and I love you all uniquely. I have been having a rough couple of days lately, due mostly to my thinking too much. At least that's what we'll call it. Basically, I am dissatisfied with my position in life. I make burritos for a living. Although the creepy flirtation I have going on with one of the kitchen boys makes the burritos a little more interesting. I have less than 50% of what most of my peers have. This is a difficult realization. It will be very hard to catch up. It will be very hard indeed. And I am all alone. This scares me the most, though I don't know why because for the most part I am very independent. I guess I just need someone to hold my hand sometimes. Is that co-dependent? Or is that just romantic? I can never tell. But I won't get that. Don't ask me how I know--I just do. I just have to play through the pain. I often wonder if this is all leading somewhere. You know what I mean? I feel like I have no purpose, no ultimate plan. And being alone, I have a hard time caring about a plan, because what fun is a plan if there's no one to share it with? Really I think all my inner turmoil is brewing from the part of me that wants to hate myself versus the growing part of me that is falling in love with myself. I think I am having some kind of backlash from years of self-loathing, because now when I catch me loving myself, the old demons fight back even harder to ensure than I self-destruct. This may be incoherent psycho-babble, but I guess the only answer in my self-made condundrum is that I will have to be tough. I have been tough before, and I'll be tough again. All these things haven't killed me yet, so I guess I must be stronger than I think I am. At least that's what I'm supposed to say, right?

Jam for the Day: Good Times, Bad Times by Led Zeppelin