Easy/Lucky/Free

Today I went to a funeral. My father's uncle. He was 87 years old. It was a nice service, and I got to see a lot of family that I don't run into very often. The deceased was a WWII hero. My favorite part was when they folded the flag. It was very moving. He was very soft spoken, even in his younger years. The eulogy was so pretty. The preacher spoke out of the book of Matthew, the Beatitudes in particular. Funerals always make me think of my own funeral. What music would I want? Who all would come? What should I wear? I think I will write out detailed instructions for my funeral, because I think in many ways that is the most important party you will ever (never) attend. This particular funeral was in my hometown. The Gipsons bury everyone who was anyone. I hope they bury me too. The funeral home is a solemn place, but perhaps that's because I have been to so many different funerals there. My grandparents, my friend's parents, my own friends. Going there always makes me think--but in a weird, empty way. It's like, I get this feeling, and it's a distinctive, reflective, I-should-be-thinking-something-profound feeling, but I don't. Maybe I am shallow, but I am always more concerned with the flowers or the music or the people left behind. I see the deceased in the coffin, and although they inevitably look terrible, I envy them. Yes, I envy them. I long to be at rest like that. They are loosed of this world, of all the worry and pain and problems. Then I look around and see everyone else. For some, the worry, pain, and problems have just begun. Like the baby girl who lost her mother, my friend. Or the newlywed wife who lost her maid-of-honor. Then there are funerals of the elderly, like today's. I see the other old people. Who's next? When my grandmother died, we found a whole drawer full of funeral programs and obituaries. It was like, nearly everyone she knew, all her friends, much of her family, the people she grew up with, were all dead. Do I want to live to be that old? I treasure my friends and loved ones. What would that be like? To be the only one left? Perish the thought. I miss them all too much already.

Jam for the day: Easy/Lucky/Free by Bright Eyes