Moderation

I have to wake up early tomorrow. First the post office, then work. It feels good to say that, like some memory of a woman on tv when I was a little girl, but then again, it's work. The people at work seem nice. I hope they like me. I am not feeling particularly witty or clever tonight. I apologize. I have started four sentences in a row with the same pronoun. That should tell you something. I'm afraid I'm a narcissicist. This is hard for me to admit. Narcissus is traditionally looked upon by scholars as a fool or as being somehow wicked, but what if he just had low self-esteem? Should we blame him for that? Or maybe he was always looking for something within himself. That's how I feel anyway. But perhaps the scholars are right in understanding Narcissus as a fool because even if he did have low self-esteem isn't that sort of a foolish notion? In a perfect world, we would all know who we were and what we meant and that everyone should be able to draw off of their own personal strength in perilous times. And you know what, I think that actually happens for some people. But not the majority. Some people look into the mirror for more than their reflection. Narcissus had a fatal flaw though. He had no self-control. The idealist asks, "But how will he know to control the self unless he knows and understands that self?" Sounds logical, but alas, that is not the way it works. You are thrown into life without the key to the doors of perception. Social repression, grief, insecurity, love, hatred, envy, betrayal; they all play their part in the masquerade. What could have been done for Narcissus? Is that what he gets? Is it a tragedy that a man could look directly at himself yet never truly see himself? Did we miss something in this story? Or did he simply serve his purpose? In the end Narcissus' life meant something, for good or ill. And he is always remembered for it. Look around you. The creative ones, the fucked-up ones, the prodigal, narcissistic ones, are they not the ones we love the most? The ones we love to hate?