Nag Champa

I just got off of work and I am so tired. Tonight I closed with a really nice girl who invited me to a party at her place on Thursday. I really want to go, and am planning to, I am only wary because she lives in San Marcos. That is the one place I am trying to avoid (due to the dreaded ex) which sucks because I have always had lots of fun there. She is a bit younger than I am so I doubt He will be there or anything. But I am happy, because things are moving faster than I thought they would as far as making friends goes. You know what sucks? Being broke. I had to buy my cigarettes today with quarters and dimes. But I guess that is all part of being alive, eh?

When I am alone (which is most of the time) I find myself scanning the crowds and searching the faces for my friends. I never see anyone I know. Like, when I see people I scour their faces/expressions/eyes for some semblance of familiarity. Looking for the love that I have lost. They usually stare back at me, blank-faced or with a hint of curiosity. It gets harder and harder to hide my disappointment in them. It hurts not to see him there. Every time. I try to hide it but I fear the pain shows through. Although I have numbed to it over time, it's no less real than it was the day he left. One day he will come back to me. And this time I will be ready. But I won't be counting the days anymore. I will be living my life.

Jam for the Day: In the Meantime by Supergrass