If I was a rich girl

I just got back from my first day at work. It didn't take long for me to get the hang of how to roll the burritos at all. I still have a little trouble with the Monster Burritos though. They are fucking huge ya'll! I put two in a sack and almost dropped it. Haha. Anyway I think I am going to like it. There is always something to do so time goes pretty fast. And the people there are pretty cool too. I really enjoy that most of our management are Aggies. That makes me feel more at home. I was worried a little about moving to Austin as an Aggie. They don't particularly like us or respect us all the time. Once I was at this party in San Marcos and was outright insulted by some guy. A big joke in Texas is that Aggies are "dumb." So we are half-drunk and arguing over the semantics of the word "pimp" and it is getting pretty heated. Then he throws his hands up and says some shit like "Oh, you must be an Aggie." (I don't think he actually knew I was an Aggie.) My ex-boyfriend saw my nostrils flare and I swear to god he ran away in shock that someone had said this to me and out of fear of what I might do. He chose flight over fight I guess. But I just had a couple of...meaningful words with the guy and walked back in the house. I have a way of handling shit. But I have had some people in Austin flip me off when I was driving because of the Aggie sticker on my car. Certainly not because of my driving! Heheh. I do not know why I put myself in opposing situations like this. Like, I put myself into environments that are fundamentally opposing to my personality and/or beliefs. For example: In high school I was an under-acheiver. I partied, listened to Hole all the time, cut school, etc. But my extracurricular was dance/drill team, which is mostly preppy rich girls. So I never really fit in, although I totally loved it. Then, when I went to A&M, I knew I would be more liberal than most everyone there. A&M is a very conservative school. And I just didn't fit in on campus so much, although I absolutely adore it there, and everything A&M stands for. And now I am here. The list goes on. Why do I do this to myself? Is it some kind of self-fulfilling prophecy wherein I subconsciously take measures to ensure that I am somehow different? Is it some masochistic tendency to make sure I'm always uncomfortable about something? Is it that I just don't like myself and I have to give myself chickenshit reasons for it? Or am I so dualistic in nature that even when I've got yin I miss my yang. (Could that be perceived as lewd?) Maybe I am just a character. Isn't always being different characteristic of a character? I can't afford to be eccentric--yet. So I am kinda depressed, but in a bored way. I have terrible posture. There is much on the horizon but everything's all blurred and I can't make it out even when I squint my eyes. The anxiety is killing me. I hope it is all pink and purple and red, but I have a feeling it is more orange than anything else. I don't really know what to expect. When I think about the future, it makes me laugh and cry simultaneously. With talent like that, why am I so worried? This is boring. I am sorry. I've been blogging too much lately. I just want to chronicle all this change. I'll make up for it later with a story about one of my life-changing moments. It'll be good. You'll laugh. You'll cry. Maybe both at the same time.

Jam for the Day: My Doorbell by The White Stripes