Who needs action when you got words?

I thought I'd have to work today but they don't need me until Friday. So I am straight chillin. Tomorrow I think I'll have a go at the Austin Museum of Art (AMoA.) But today, I have nothing. So I have been thinking about my blog. And about my writing. Writing practice was a large part of the reason I chose this medium. I want to try some new things. Well, things I haven't done with blush reality before. Except that all my ideas seem hokey. All I do is talk about tv because that's most of what I've been doing. But I enjoy keeping the house. It's been too long since I've kept a house. I need to learn how to cook. How will I make someone a good wife if I can't cook and am too lazy to do the laundry? See this is how I have been thinking lately, and it's freaking me out. Like, the only way I can explain it is that I've become a...woman. I lost my girlish naivete at some point along the road less-travelled. I find myself thinking differently sometimes. Say what you will but the trend is that the women do most of the cookin' and cleanin'. That makes me nervous. One day it will be my turn to help make (and clean up) Thanksgiving Dinner. Holy Shit! That's not my bag. But can I honestly avoid it? I mean I could do it, but think about it. If I were to ever become a mother, I would HAVE to take care of the kids, and then me. I would hope that my husband would split household duties with me depending on our work situation, but I would obviously take care of him too. Bam. I'm right where my mother is. I don't know if I want that. I don't know if I will ever gush over a baby. I had to clean up my roomate's infirm chihuahua's shit (in the bathtub) this morning and it made me gag. What if I had to clean up a baby's shit multiple times daily?! Would I do it with all the love of a mother's heart and with a smile on my face? I don't think so, dude. That scares the shit out of me. I don't want to get into something I'm not cut out for, because you can't quit being a parent. And I would never, ever even try to do it alone. Some girls are absolutely nuts. Or maybe I am just not one of them. One time I had a friend in Jr. High "tell my fortune." You know what she said?? She said I'd be an old maid. I have always been fucking deathly afraid of becoming an old maid. But I've had a lot of time to think things over since my last relationship and throughout my celibacy, and I am feeling like if that's the way it goes, so be it. I could probably find something to entertain myself, or have wild international romances with all that time. Sounds pretty good, right? But (and this is the big one) what if I actually do find someone that I either fall madly in love with or I deem appropriate to procreate with? Then I am domesticated again. Which is not such a bad thing but what do I want? I am so selfish. And really, how many guys are out there that are going to want a wife that doesn't necessarily want kids? And you've got to figure that shit out beforehand--I think it's a bad idea to "wing" something like marriage. Look at Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston. It's obvious. There's a primal urge there for most people, and what I guess I'm saying is that I am not sure if it's there for me. And I also can't figure out if that helps me or hinders me. I'm just trying not to make any more mistakes, ya know?

Exhale.

We laughed so hard we cried this morning.
http://www.tourettesguy.com/

Jam for the Day: Simple Kind of Life by No Doubt